(Journal Entry dated 6.02.08)

My answer seemed to come to me today … in some ways. I went for a run before supper, and my mind was pounding with my various options. Back and forth I would go between “is this what I want” or “is this what God wants?” I just wanted God to tell me – just right out and clearly. But then, during lectures tonight, I kind of felt the answer come … in a still, small way. One lecturer – I think Chris Thomas – was talking about Mary and her “borrowed womb” – a phrase which struck me as particularly significant. She was “borrowed” – used for the Master’s purpose for a short time … it wasn’t about her or her glory, but about her being a vessel for a greater good – a greater cause. And because of that, it made me stop and think – am I willing to be “borrowed”? “Used” for whatever purpose God has in mind for me? Can I set aside everything I have in mind that I so badly want, and relinquish myself to God’s will and plan?