How do you win the heart of a lady? I am not an expert on the matter of dating, but I am an expert on being a female, so perhaps I do know a few things about what appeals to women – or maybe just this woman.

It’s a ticklish sort of subject – how dare I tell a man what to do?? But perhaps said men do not quite fully grasp the heart of a woman, so I am here to shed light in some regards on that sometimes mysterious creature we call a lady.

If I am wrong, female population, please feel free to gently suggest otherwise (please note that I did not say, point out all my flaws!). But if I am right, perhaps some service might be done to the world of men and women [especially in the church]. And remember that these are simply my observations and preferences – this is not divine inspiration.

So gentlemen – grab your favorite snack, settle in, and let’s have a chat.

1. The Most Attractive Thing About You is Your Spiritual Leadership.
A man who truly understands who he is, what his purpose is in life, and his role as a man in God’s perfect plan is one of the most attractive men I will ever meet.

A man who is courageous, bold, and confident is a man who will know how to lead a family, who will know how to take action, and a man who will move forward with passion to pursue his dreams.

A man who is unashamed to speak of and encourage spiritual things is a man who has his priorities straight.

A man who cares more about the state of his relationship with Jesus than the state of his car is the one worth waiting for.

2. Do Not, However, Underestimate the Power of Tenderness.
What you must understand about a lady is that she adores being cherished. The man who can temper his macho-ness with the ability to gently care for his lady is one who is at peace with his manhood.

Be gentle with me. I am not like your male buddies. Not to say that I’ll break if I hit the ground – but the soft edges are there for a reason. Appreciate that in me and remember that chivalry should not be dead. The offer of a coat on a cold evening can still melt my heart.

3. Your Sense of Humor Must Be Well-Groomed.
Please note that I did not say, “should be well and crude.” Don’t be inappropriate … and please don’t swear … or I shall quickly wave good-bye to you.

However, I do love to laugh. And I love a man who can laugh at life and banter well with me. A man who can laugh at himself and the worst of situations will handle life and all of its challenges well.

4. Also, It Wouldn’t Hurt If You Were Well-Groomed, Too!
Not that I expect you to be a GQ model. All I’m saying is that a man who knows how to smell good is … well, he’s attractive, that’s all.

5. Please Get to Know Me In a Group Setting First.
There is nothing quite so awkward in my book as going out on a coffee date with someone whom I have just met. In fact, it’s so uncomfortable to me that I’ve never done it. A small secret of mine? Men scare me just a little bit. So to alleviate that fear, let’s NOT just plop me down in a one-on-one situation where there are expectations to perform & be perfect. Once we’ve become friends among the plethora of other friends that we share … then I shall be slightly more comfortable with you.

6. Guard Me Emotionally & Don’t Lead Me On.
Guess what? In the same way that I can tempt you physically with my body, you can tempt me emotionally with the way you toy with my heart. So please don’t.

Please don’t get emotionally close to me and spend lots of time with me and then pull back at the last moment, and say that we’re just friends. The more emotionally invested in you I become, the more likely it is that I will fall for you. Please be respectful of my vulnerable heart, and realize that I, as a woman, might perceive things differently than you, as a man, meant them.

7. Be Brave and Take a Risk
There comes a point when you simply must risk yourself and just speak up. A relationship won’t happen if you wait around forever – at some point and time, you need to take action. I will not lie – I don’t envy you that responsibility. I’m so glad I’m not the man who has to make the first move!

I will also not lie in that I have turned down my fair share of guys in my life [so you are now thinking, this is not helpful to tell us in making us brave!]. HOWEVER, it always hurts my heart to know that I must inflict hurt upon someone else because I know the kind of courage it took to actually speak up and say something. And for that courage, I hope I always communicate my gratefulness.

But if you never speak up, you’ll never get your final answer. If there is no finality, one way or the other, you are stuck in the dreaded “in-between” phase forever. Either I say no, and free you up to move on with your life, or I say yes, and there’s a pleasant opportunity that might have been missed! Obviously (as aforementioned), I don’t think you should speak up too soon. But given enough time and enough wise counsel from other people first, I think that one must simply be brave and say the words.

At the end of the day, there really is no formula to make someone fall in love with you. Sometimes it comes down to that elusive thing we call “chemistry.” And that certainly can’t be bottled up according to the Periodic Table and sold on Amazon. Sometimes what makes me fall for someone is their unique personality and their interests and passions in life. So please be aware that this is not some fail-safe checklist that will always work and get you a date and a “happily ever after.”

But somewhere in there, maybe it will work. It’s crazy how it does seem to work out for so many people in this world! All I’m saying, gentlemen friends – I know that it’s tough to understand a lady. And I know it’s tough to be a strong man of God in a world that wants to tear you apart. But I am cheering for your success … and I will encourage all of your efforts, even if they aren’t perfect. Because if you wrote a blog post about how to be the type of lady to be wooed … I’m afraid I would fall woefully short.

I love you all as brothers in Christ, and I pray for your character-building every day. It’s such a joy to be growing right alongside of you. Thank you for the grace to become more of a woman of God every day.