Blog 365 · Life Chronicles · Pandora's Box

This is Where I’ve Been

I’ve been to worlds of madness – silliness, foolishness – yet the heart of life at the same time.

I’ve been to secret obsessions and silent pleas to be rid of said obsessions.

I’ve been to lonely nights grieved with teardrops.

I’ve been through building up – and breaking down –

– the breaking down of everything I thought I knew,

– the breaking down of happy friendships,

– the breaking down of the surety of my imagination,

– the breaking down of long-awaited hope.

And the building up of a stronger character –

– a deeper faith in the Sovereign Lord,

– a deeper need for His comfort,

– a more sure hope in that which doesn’t fade,

– and a truer understanding of love.

I’ve been to places of self-doubt.

I’ve been down roads of self-loathing and crippling guilt.

I’ve been to wistful daydreams.

I’ve been to the depths of beauty in another’s eyes.

I’ve been to islands of security within another’s arms.

I’ve been to flirtatious encounters soaking in the attention.

I’ve been to the world’s pool of outward affirmation –

– drank deep of their temporary affection,

– swallowed whole the lie of self-love,

– and came away dry and empty and longing for more.

I’ve been to Scripture’s feast –

– prayer’s deep fountains,

– worship’s sweet saturation,

– and I’ve felt completion in my soul.

I’ve been to astonishing dreams come true.

I’ve been to places that set my soul on fire.

I’ve been to holiness of worship on sun-drenched mountaintop roads.

I’ve come to see that God’s plans are sweeter and far more mysterious –

– than anything I could possibly dream up on my own.

I’ve planned my life out and seen the opposite happen.

And I’ve been stunned by its unexpected beauty.

I’ve been awakened to a life not my own.

And it’s the loveliest place I could have ever been.

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