Dating · Singleness · Women

The Curse of the Nice Girl


Dear sweet nice girl of sixteen –

I see you laughing with that boy –

That boy you call your dearest friend.

I see the way you glance hopefully at him –

Trying not to hope too hard he’ll glance meaningfully back –

And I hear the silent sigh of regret

When he asks another girl to prom instead.


Dear sweet nice college girl of twenty-one –

I see you drawing closer to that one guy,

Who is part of all your friend group adventures,

Having deep conversations, making inside jokes, being so thoughtful.

I see you trying so hard to be patient, yet eyes bright with hope –

And I see those eyes go dim with hurt

As he asks another girl out,

And only a few months later they’re engaged.


Dear sweet nice girl in her thirties –

I see you living your life to the fullest –

Embracing your passions, loving your people,

Writing grace with your story –

And silently pretending that the ache isn’t there anymore.


The ache of being the nice girl

And being passed over one too many times.

The ache of wondering what could possibly be wrong with her.

The ache of being the one everyone loves as a friend,

And no one wants as something more.

The ache of years of silence

That never seem to end.

The ache of wondering where all the nice boys have gone.


Is it worth it? She asks.

Is it worth it to stick to your standards,

Even when it doesn’t seem to make a difference?

Is it worth it to be faithful,

Even when there doesn’t seem to be any reward?

Is it worth it to wait and have patience

Even when everyone around you seems to think

You should have settled long ago?


The answer is – yes.


Yes, my nice girl, it is worth it.


Because even if every “nice boy” on this planet from age sixteen to sixty-six passes you by, there is One who never will. And Christ’s reward for being faithful to Him – even in the midst of heartache and pain – is worth so much more than a wedding day.

It might not seem like it when all you see are people falling in love and getting married all around you. But there is a hope beyond this world that helps us to have the strength to be faithful to our standards – to live them for Jesus and not just a future spouse.

It’s a hope that outshines the human hope that disappoints us day after day.

It’s a hope that will hold true for all of eternity.

It’s a hope that money can’t buy, and the darkest powers of evil can’t destroy.

It’s a hope that only comes from knowing and being known by the Savior of the world.

So when the nice boys of this world pass you by and your heart is left aching once again, don’t run to the nearest dating app and start swiping right to find “the one.”

Rather, run to the God of the Bible who promises, “‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.’” (Isaiah 43:1)

He has created us, He knows us intimately, He calls us His own forever. And when we cling to this One, He calms the storm within us, and reminds us that we are always His beloved, even when the world lets us down. And this will form the deepest well of strength within us – that will make us so much more than a “nice girl.”

Rather we will become women of strength and dignity who rely not on our own capabilities to win over a man – but who are instead relying on the God of the universe to write our stories. As He does so, He will change our identity from “cursed” to blessed – blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms. And part of that blessing someday could be that He brings a man of character and strength into our lives if He so chooses.

And if not, He is still good.

But either way, we are forever held by His arms of everlasting love.

And that’s the best hope we could possibly have.


Photo by Daniel Schaffer on Unsplash.

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