I think I’ve spent too much of my life feeling guilty – too much of my life apologizing to God for my weakness and humanity. I’ve felt exhausted worrying over the fact that I let Him down again with my wayward desires and my failure to love Him as I should.
But one morning in the kitchen, as tears sprang to my eyes as I once again apologized to God for desiring marriage too much, He made me realize:
God is not mad at you for longing for something good that He created.
He’s not mad at you for being weak and needing Him.
He knows above all else the frailty of my humanity – in fact, Psalm 103:13-14 says,
“As a father shows compassion to His children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.”
When I am in right relationship with God, I have nothing to fear when I come to Him for help – He wants to show me compassion and give me strength, because He knows that I am weak.
Guilt can be a good thing, if it leads us to recognize our sin and repent before God. But when it constantly haunts our minds and whispers that we will never be good enough for God, then it’s taken a dangerous hold on our lives that it was never intended to have.
Because even when I do sin – even when I do desire something else more than God – He’s still not mad at me. He longs for me to run back to Him in repentance and offer me the forgiveness that only He can. Complete forgiveness that was finished at the cross thousands of years ago.
When I live in constant fear of His anger, I’m not believing the truth about God – I’m not truly accepting the freedom that He offers me. I’m believing lies that keep me from the deepest, most intimate relationship with Him.
But when I believe that I am completely free in Christ, I won’t be afraid to come to God and tell Him my deepest struggles. I won’t be afraid to cry out my desperate dependence on Him because He already knows about it – and He is so ready to offer me His strength.
Psalm 139:16 says, “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
Every single one of the days of my life has already been planned and written by God – including the ones that hold sorrow, heartbreak, and desperate prayers. None of them are a surprise to Him. He knows the outcome – and He doesn’t expect me to be brave and muscle through. He wants me to come running to Him like a child to his father for comfort.
So if you’re feeling the weight of your humanity upon you tonight, I just want you to remember this:
You are not a bad person for longing for the touch of another person – for aching for arms to surround you and just let you rest in their embrace.
You are not a bad person for hoping for a baby to fill your empty mothering arms.
You are not a bad person for missing him every single day.
You are not a bad person for feeling sad that things didn’t work out the way you wanted them to.
You are not a bad person for feeling like you just can’t do it today.
He knows. And He’s stronger than all of our shortcomings. He’s bigger than all of our doubts and failures. He’s constant even when we’re not. And He is so merciful when we come to Him as ragamuffins, tears streaming down our faces, longing for forgiveness.
He will comfort those empty places of ours, He will strengthen our weak parts, and He will love our broken hearts like no one else can do. Life still might hurt, but we are given the ability to bear it because our Savior bore it all on the cross for us.
And this is the greatest relief of all.