I know what it is I’m longing for.

The eye contact when we’re laughing together.

The banter and teasing that comes from knowing a person so well.

A private store of memories between the two of us that form a bond no one else can share.

A deep, deep understanding of another’s soul that can be evidenced in the way our conversations go – for we animate one another’s eyes with joy and light and life.

An inspiration that is given and received like an electric undercurrent that nobody else can see or quite understand.

**

The great hurt that comes to me is when I feel that spark with someone I can’t have.

It aches to have to say no to that spark because it lights up my dark places – it warms my cold bones – and it embraces my lonely heart.

And I have to remind myself that the spark is not for me to have, so I just have to appreciate what it gives me in the moment and then let it go.

And oh, how much darker, colder, and lonelier it gets when I’ve sent it away – because for a few moments I had a taste of it – and the aching hole it leaves when it’s gone feels almost unbearable.

**

But it’s not completely unbearable. For there is One who has known the dark, cold, and lonely places Himself, and He bids me into the warmth of the comfort only He can give.

He listens to me spill the hurt and the anguish, and He cares. Oh, how He cares.

He cares that I hurt. He cares that the world is not as it should be – that I don’t have that daily companion that brings me the spark of joy from God Himself – that I traverse this earth as one instead of two.

And He gently helps me to hide away my desires in Him – to trust Him with their fulfillment, whatever that might look like.

And I am given strength to face another day.

**

Lay your lament before the Lord.

Lift your face to His.

And trust that there is always more to your story than what you can see today.

 

Photo by Vivek Karthikeyan on Unsplash.