These poems were written at various times over various situations, and I share them, not as a plea for pity, but as a reminder that if you’ve ever felt these things, too, you’re not alone.

I write to process how I feel – and at different times, I’ve felt all of these things. In the end, though, my prayer is always that I would subject my feelings to my Lord and Savior and ask Him to pull me closer through the processing. I pray the same for you, my friend, if you are feeling some of these same things tonight.

*Emptiness*

It won’t go away –

This ache in my throat,

This ache in my chest,

This ache in my soul.

 

It won’t go away,

No matter how much I pray,

No matter how much I sing,

No matter how much I numb.

 

And when I feel I’ve forgotten,

I soon realize –

It’s because counterfeits

Have rushed in

With leering facades,

Leaving me

Even more empty

Than before.

 

I feel hollow

When I think about

How I make others feel

And how they make me feel.

 

I feel empty

At the thought of

Everyone loving me

And nobody loving me

At the same time.

 

*You Don’t Have to Love Me*

You don’t have to love me,

But if you do –

I promise

You’ll never regret it.

 

You don’t have to love me,

But if you do –

I will make every day

A grand adventure.

 

You don’t have to love me,

But if you do –

I will pursue loving you back

With all my heart.

 

You don’t have to love me,

But if you do –

I will do all I can

To sacrifice for you and serve you.

 

You don’t have to love me,

But if you do –

I will pour out

Every ounce of love

I’ve saved up these many years –

 

And it will be completely worth it.

 

*Nothing Left*

It would seem

There’s nothing left

For me to believe in

As far as love is concerned.

 

For it would seem

That I was not meant to be

Loved by a man

With whom I’ve fallen in love.

 

So instead,

I’ll take all

The deep, deep capacity

I have to love,

 

And pour it

With fervor

Into the ones

Who need it the most –

 

My sweet, dear ones

In my classroom.

We’ll call it home,

They’ll be my family,

 

And I will forget

That I ever longed

To be married.

 

*Lord, Save My Soul*

Lord, save my soul

From warped thinking,

From numb emotions,

From bitter overthinking.

 

Save me from despair,

From self-pity,

From manic obsessions,

From angry accusations.

 

Help me not to push away sadness,

To sit quietly with lament,

To grieve what’s lost,

And to hold gently my wounds.

 

Help me to turn to You for healing

{not false hopes & imitations},

To rest in Your timing and love,

To be patient with the process,

And trust the beauty of Your plan.

 

Use this to make me more empathetic,

A better listener & asker of questions,

More patient with others’ struggles,

And more vested in sharing my story.

 

Photo by Atharva Tulsi on Unsplash.