Tell Me

Tell me –

Do you know

What it’s like

To be me?

 

I feel lost at sea

Sometimes –

A sea of strangers,

A sea of unfamiliarity,

A sea of grief.

 

Tell me –

Do you know

What it’s like

To grieve

For things

You’ve never had?

 

I sometimes

Cry harder

Over emptiness and lack

Than for the loss

Of something I had.

 

Tell me –

Do you know

What it’s like

To worry you might

Be going crazy?

 

Do you struggle

With darkness no one

Knows about?

 

Do you fight

Constant battles

With your mind?

Do you wonder

When it will all end?

 

I like to keep myself busy

So I can’t hear

The whispers of my demons,

So I don’t have

To feel exhausted from my fight,

So I can feel joy from purpose

And not hopeless from emptiness.

 

Tell me.

When you hear all of this –

Are you afraid of me?

Or do you perhaps

Want to hug me in relief

That you’re not alone?

 

**

 

He Whispers

And then –

My Lord

Meets me

In that darkness.

 

He reminds me

That I am not alone,

And that demons

Tremble in His presence.

 

He whispers

That I am not useless.

He reminds me

Of the purpose He has

For me.

 

Purpose that requires

Solitude and surrender.

Purpose that looks

Radically different

From the rest of the world.

 

They have the traditional route –

I, the untraditional.

They have the typical, expected story –

I, the unexpected and unique.

 

I must therefore

Press into Him more closely,

Listen more desperately,

Depend on Him more urgently.

 

I must not give in to pity,

Shout my complaints,

Or look for sympathy

Or even praise.

 

I must quietly

Climb the mount of sacrifice,

Move into unknown lands,

Stare into the mouths of lions.

 

I must not expect

That which is not guaranteed

And I mustn’t pursue

The things which will

Distract me from the goal.

 

The prize is Christ.

And He will draw me

To Himself

However He deems best.

 

Tonight it’s the road

Of a single soldier –

Fighting the battles

No one else knows about.

Finding new hope

No one else understands.

 

And tonight,

There’s nowhere else

I’d rather be

Than in the merciful arms

Of my Savior.

 

Photo by John Thomas on Unsplash.