Dating · Singleness

The Breaking Point of the Dating Game

I am done. I have tried so hard the past few months to give the men a try, to keep an open mind, to “consider my options,” and I can’t do it anymore.

And I knew it the day I found this quote on Pinterest. This quote sums up all I’ve ever wanted in a relationship, and the moment I read it, I breathed a sigh of relief that I wasn’t crazy.

I’ve heard some men say, “Aren’t we all looking for the same thing? We just want someone to share life with.” No, I think I’d disagree. We are not all looking for the same thing. At least I’m not. I’m looking for something that doesn’t exist with many people. And because I’ve spent “mere moments in the abyss” as the poet says, “nothing else will ever do.”

I don’t want the forced conversations, the feigned interest, the myriad of inane messages with someone I’ve never met. I don’t want the gaping lack of connection, the marginal interest, the heavy weight of this chore of trying to find “the one.” I hate the “shopping” feeling, the consumer idea of trying people on for size and trying to put our best feet forward. I don’t want any of it.

I just want – for once in my life – a man who feels the chemistry with me in real life the way I do with him – and I want him to fall in love with me and do something about it.

I’m tired of arguing with people telling me that it takes time and you just never know and you should give them a chance. I’ve done that. I’ve put in my time.

And it is wearying to my soul. My soul that is a guarded treasure – one that I have protected for many years and which I share fully with very few. People don’t realize how much I’m not sharing with the world – how much I keep hidden away – how much I long to share it with someone who will truly understand.

They might think I’m afraid of opening up and connecting with someone else. But I know myself. I’m only afraid of the wrong people trying to force their way in where they don’t belong. The right person won’t make me feel afraid. With him I shall feel safe. He shall uncover my innermost soul gently, one layer at a time, and I shall delight in sharing it with him, for he will have a beautiful soul to share with me, too.

I just flinch away from the grubby, greedy hands of men who don’t deserve to get anywhere near my soul – and desperately hope that one day there will be someone far better than that.

But right now, I’m kind of doubting there ever will be. Maybe I’ve had the only tastes I’ll ever get of the abyss in this life, and maybe I just need to accept that and move on, not expecting anything more. Maybe my soul will go into hibernation, and maybe if that’s ever to change, God will have to do a miracle.

And if you’re married and reading this, I can’t hear your solutions at the moment. Because tonight my bones just ache with the exhaustion of always hoping that a boy will love me back and always being disappointed. There is nothing more I can do to change my heart or theirs.

And if that is the means by which I must remain single for God’s purposes right now, then I will accept that. And maybe He desires for me to put aside all my trying and striving for some out-of-reach relationship and just throw myself with whole-hearted passion into these single days.

Maybe there are reasons for reaching breaking points in our lives where we’ve finally had enough, and we can’t do it anymore. Maybe those reasons are to lead us into new seasons with new purposes and a clearer picture of who God is and what He has for us.

And part of that picture of God is a gentle and loving Father, surrounding me with His tender care. He knows the ache in my bones, for He created me and all my deepest longings. He weeps with me when I wake from the sweetest dreams that are a mockery of all that I can’t have. And His Word draws me back to Him with the promise that I am never alone, though I feel ever so lonely.

So tonight, my dear friend, if you too feel done, it’s okay to say that. It’s okay to stop striving for human approval, for human expectations, and human solutions. It’s okay to lean into God and give Him the weight of your sorrows and ask Him to show you a new season of life that no one else might really understand. And it’s okay to treasure those moments in the abyss when the rest of the world is skating by on the surface.

And to be honest, there are some very exciting things being hinted at around the next bend in the road, and they excite me far more than the anxiety-inducing rat race of dating.

So I will trust that God knows what He’s doing as He calls my soul away to its hiding place – knowing that if it ever comes out, it will indeed be for a very special man. And I will sojourn on through tears and temptations, knowing my God will finish the good work He began in me.

 

Soli Deo Gloria.

 

Picture gleaned from Pinterest. 

7 thoughts on “The Breaking Point of the Dating Game

  1. Oh my goodness! I can so relate to this!! I also hated that “game” of trying to find the right one, putting up with giving it a try, and feeling like it was a wasted time. I’ve been single all my life, and I have been very happy and satisfied. I enjoy great friends, traveling with them, hanging out with them, and being independent to do what I want when I want. I’m lucky to share a house and expenses with a friend who essentially feels the same as I do. Hang in there. You know what’s best for you. Live into it!

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  2. I in a exactly how you feel. I was single for a long time too. Then I learnt that my pastor and good friend started praying for me to meet someone. I wasn’t planning on it but then one day a guy walked into my life. All I said was Jesus, my Lord bring me the man who first comes through you. Bring me the man whom you can live through to be with me in the flesh. I removed mys3lf from the search and condensed my list to the Lord. I just asked him to bring me whoever is right for me and i’d completely put away my expectations. And then he brought me exactly what I wanted in a partner. So, I’m going to extend their kindness and pray for you my friend ❤

    Love

    Bella

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  3. All my life, I’ve been accused of being a girl with impossible standards. I had a conversation with a man one evening and he literally told me that what I wanted was a unicorn. (So what if I did? Why should I ever settle for anything less than a unicorn?) Within two weeks of marrying my husband, I compiled a new list of “impossible” standards——things I never expected from a partner, but somehow got anyway.

    Point being: you know what you want. And when you’re sitting across from a man who isn’t those things, you know that, too. It’s not unfair to walk away; it’s unfair to try to force something that doesn’t have the potential to be anything. People say, “When you know, you know.” Which is infuriatingly unhelpful until, one day, you do know. However, knowing someone is not is just as valid as knowing someone is. It just leaves with with more searching to do.

    Don’t settle. There is someone out there who wants everything you do. And if there’s not… Well, do you really want to do life with anyone else?

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    1. Thank you for this affirmation, Rebekah – so incredibly encouraging! I’m grateful that you were brought a man who had all those impossible things, and I will continue holding out until I do as well (unless the Lord deems otherwise).

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