It sprang on me suddenly –

This unexpected ache for

Little arms twined about my neck

And a sweet, childish voice calling me Mama.

 

It came to me from that dream –

That rush of love and peace

From wrapping a small one

In my arms –

His unexpected affection

Melting away the ever-present longing.

 

That longing –

That’s been with me

Since I was a small child myself –

That longing is not a mistake.

 

It has been woven

Into my womanly frame

From the moment

God started braiding my DNA.

 

I was meant to embrace,

Nourish, love, and bear life.

And my body aches physically

At the lack of it.

 

The tears flow unbidden sometimes

When the longing returns

After I thought it was gone –

When peace and contentment have filled me

Days and weeks at a time.

 

For the ache comes

From the deepest part of me

And it’s awakened in unsuspecting moments

In the hollowest part of my heart.

 

It can be redeemed –

For God has given me

Spiritual children and a hand

In nurturing spiritual life in others –

And for this, I am grateful.

 

But he also understands

The tears and lament for

That which will be a part of me

Until I die –

 

The longing for a baby

Who has my eyes,

Whose sweet mouth

Holds traces of her daddy,

Who was knitted together

As a result of our love.

 

He knows.

He knows the brokenness

Of this longing world,

And he has not

Left us alone.

 

He sent his own child

Into this groaning world,

And in him,

All my longings

Find their resting place.

 

What a grace and mercy

For this barren woman.

 

Photo by Picsea on Unsplash.