She held secrets that no one else knew about—
Delightfully fanciful secrets of her quiet, inner life—
Where she would dream dreams about the future,
Hold wistful trysts over past memories,
And get lost in joyful moments of the present.
She was at home with herself
And pleasantly satisfied with her own company,
For she never bored herself—
There were always too many creative
Things to think about.
Besides which, she had an ongoing
Conversation with her Abba Father,
Bringing her cares, delights, and worries
Constantly to his loving ears.
She relished the quiet where her brain
Slowed down, recharged, rested, and revamped—
She cherished coming home to her
Welcoming, cozy home—
The witness to the sacred every day.
These were pieces of herself
That no one else saw or knew about,
And yet they were intricate parts of her being—
All the secret threads weaving
A tapestry of wonder in all she did.
For so long
She had been her own person,
Keeping the secrets of her soul
But she wondered
What it would be like
To invite someone else
Into that sacred space.
There would always be
Just the part that
Only Christ and she knew
In “the secret place.”
The place where she went
Right before she fell asleep,
Where she wrestled with sins and insecurities,
Where she entered deep awe with the Creator.
But maybe someday
There would be someone
With whom she could
Whisper secrets before sleeping—
Perhaps one who could keep her
Accountable for those ugly sins—
Maybe someone who would silently enter
The deep awe inexplicably with her.
Maybe she wouldn’t be afraid
To carefully open the secrets of her soul,
Because he would also have secrets to share
And together they’d seal their communion
Of knowing in a deep way.
This is what she imagined marriage to be.
But it was so far from where she was now
That it scared her to imagine,
And yet it beckoned her so insistently.
And so she prayed—
“Lord, if it be your will
May you bring me a
Soul companion of this caliber
With whom I can share my inmost self.
“And if it not be your will
Please hush the longing
And make me deeply satisfied
In knowing you more fully.”
Photo by Jonny Gios on Unsplash.