She held secrets that no one else knew about—

Delightfully fanciful secrets of her quiet, inner life—

Where she would dream dreams about the future,

Hold wistful trysts over past memories,

And get lost in joyful moments of the present.

 

She was at home with herself

And pleasantly satisfied with her own company,

For she never bored herself—

There were always too many creative

Things to think about.

 

Besides which, she had an ongoing

Conversation with her Abba Father,

Bringing her cares, delights, and worries

Constantly to his loving ears.

 

She relished the quiet where her brain

Slowed down, recharged, rested, and revamped—

She cherished coming home to her

Welcoming, cozy home—

The witness to the sacred every day.

 

These were pieces of herself

That no one else saw or knew about,

And yet they were intricate parts of her being—

All the secret threads weaving

A tapestry of wonder in all she did.

 

**

 

For so long

She had been her own person,

Keeping the secrets of her soul

To herself.

 

But she wondered

What it would be like

To invite someone else

Into that sacred space.

 

There would always be

Just the part that

Only Christ and she knew

In “the secret place.”

 

The place where she went

Right before she fell asleep,

Where she wrestled with sins and insecurities,

Where she entered deep awe with the Creator.

 

But maybe someday

There would be someone

With whom she could

Whisper secrets before sleeping—

 

Perhaps one who could keep her

Accountable for those ugly sins—

Maybe someone who would silently enter

The deep awe inexplicably with her.

 

Maybe she wouldn’t be afraid

To carefully open the secrets of her soul,

Because he would also have secrets to share

And together they’d seal their communion

Of knowing in a deep way.

 

This is what she imagined marriage to be.

But it was so far from where she was now

That it scared her to imagine,

And yet it beckoned her so insistently.

 

And so she prayed—

“Lord, if it be your will

May you bring me a

Soul companion of this caliber

With whom I can share my inmost self.

 

“And if it not be your will

Please hush the longing

And make me deeply satisfied

In knowing you more fully.”

 

Photo by Jonny Gios on Unsplash.