I wish I had boldness.
I wish I could be honest and not worry about being PC all the time.
I wish I could say it would be so easy to fall in love with you if the circumstances were right.
–or maybe I have already a tiny bit, and I don’t have the courage to admit it?
I wish I could ask you, “Why didn’t you pick me? What expectations can’t I live up to? What more do I need to do to prove myself?”
I wish I could say it hurts me a little that you’ve experienced what I haven’t.
I wish I could ask you – “Do you hate me just a little bit? And if so, why is that?”
I wish I could tell you it’s dangerous to compliment a girl the way you do me – because you have no idea what that does to my heart.
I wish I could say how afraid I am that I’ve made mistakes that will lead to me never loving anyone.
I wish I could stop being afraid of failure – and just do the hard thing.
I wish I could say I always know the right thing to do and say – and that it doesn’t scare me sometimes to talk to people – but that’s not true.
I wish I could tell you not to pity me – because my life has shades of beauty that you simply don’t understand.
I wish I could make you understand that when the blue creeps into my soul, it’s okay, and you just have to have patience. It doesn’t mean I’ll never be happy again.
I wish I could just tell you the boundless joy and peace that comes from knowing Christ – and stop worrying about what you’ll think of me.
I wish I could tell you.
But maybe you don’t need to know.
Maybe you do, and maybe if I have enough courage to type them, I’ll gain enough courage to say them.
And with the others, maybe it’s enough that they just live here, in this wee corner of baring my soul on the Internet.
And perhaps they might just give you the courage to say the things you wish you could say.
We could be brave and encourage each other to say what needs to be said – and trust that what doesn’t need to be said can be laid down at the feet of the Father in prayer.
Maybe it might help us all to know that our courage doesn’t have to come from our own strength – it comes straight from the eternal strength of the One Who holds up the world. His lionhearted courage will give us enough power to love others enough to tell them what truly matters. And in doing so, our very relationships are strengthened to the core.
Let’s just start with one small step of courage tonight and tell someone that we love them. And then we can step forward through the brave door of honesty and continue to embrace each other, trembling secrets and all.
That’s what we’re here for as humans after all, right? If there is no honesty, there is no relationship. So let’s be courageous and tell those we love what needs to be said. And let’s see how beautifully deep our relationships go as a result.